I'm back!!

The song The Shining by Badly Drawn Boy has a verse in it that says:

But now I’m dry of thoughts
Wait for the rain
Then it’s replaced
Sun setting
And suddenly you’re in love with everything

These five lines sum up the way I’ve been feeling these past three months since I’ve blogged. I could say that I was working on some grand project or taking a break to fuel creativity but it wouldn’t be true. I’ve been in a fog this past year and have had to push myself extremely hard to get by. It’s been particularly difficult his summer. I wrote and read nothing of substance because I felt it important to let my mind run free, otherwise I would be in serious trouble. I did spend the time watching a lot of movies – and I mean a lot! In watching movies I had the opportunity to observe other people’s lives without having to be involved or responsible. It took away some of the pressure.

“My rain has come and my sun has set and suddenly, I’m in love with everything.” What a beautiful thought.

For me, this translated to what I felt was best to get me through the dark time. I needed to be immersed in my troubles and in my self so I could once again see the true me. I know my strengths and my short-comings and while some may be shameful, I am aware and honest, if only to myself.

“But now I’m dry of thoughts.”

I went to a dark place, and probably still am there, but at least now it feels less dreadful and there’s a lightness around me that’s quite refreshing.

“Wait for the rain. Sun setting.”

I have this new sense of appreciation for all things in this world and no longer see with black or white vision. I get it now that everyone’s different but yet the same, ultimately wanting the peace of mind, comfort, love and respect. I get it too that I can’t impose myself on anyone but must accept that sometimes I won’t get what I think I want.

“And suddenly you’re in love with everything.”

The world cycles itself and history does repeat. What appears to be tragic and hopeless today is tomorrow's past incident. Courage and faith is what gets us through each moment. I must accept and appreciate life for what it is because at the moment, it won’t change. It is what it is.

So what does it all mean? I have not a clue and it doesn’t bother me that I don’t know. What is important is that as hard as it is and as impossible as it seems, I’m trying to pull myself through it.

My sun has set and I am in love with everything.